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Introduction:
I have no doubt that every one of us believes in God. The
question that we most often have to deal with is whether or not we
believe God. According to Isaiah
55:8-9, God’s ways are higher than our ways. As such, we may
not understand them. When we do not understand them, we sometimes
do not trust them. However, the Bible offers us God’s resounding
command, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on
your own understanding” (Proverbs
3:5).
Our faith is tested when our ideas and desires come into
conflict with God’s command. Is there any place where this
occurs more than in the home? How easy it is to make our marriages
and families all about ourselves instead of submitting to the
Lord’s will. During our last lesson, the husbands learned that
headship is not about being served, but about serving. They are to
lead with love. In this lesson, we focus our attention on the
wives. Their role can also be summed up in two words Help
and Submission. Discussion: I.
“I will make him a helper comparable to him” (Genesis
2:18). A.
Wives, do good to your husbands (Proverbs
31:12). 1.
The virtuous
wife does not hinder or harm her husband. Rather, her help is so
great that according to vs.
23, her husband will be known in the gates and will sit among
the elders in the land. In Titus
2:5, older women are to teach younger women to be good or kind
to their husbands. Regrettably, women are not taught this by
today’s society. 2.
To modern
feminists, the wife is not her husband’s helper. She is his
competitor. Her goal is to prove that anything he can do, she can
do better. In contrast, the virtuous wife says, “Anything you
can do, I can help you do better.” Modern feminists do not want
wives to act in such a way that their husbands will be “known in
the gates”. They want wives to usurp that position, showing that
they should have that honor and praise. However, while the
virtuous wife does not compete for honor in the gates, she
receives it anyway (vs. 31). She receives praise by helping, not competing. Feminists
fail where the worthy woman will win. B.
Wives, help your husbands get to heaven (I
Peter 3:1-2). 1.
While we have learned that husbands are to take the lead
regarding getting the family to heaven, the scripture is clear
that the wife is also to help her husband get to heaven. This is
one of her governing motivators for the way she acts. As Peter
further said in vs. 7,
Christian husbands and wives are joint heirs of grace. They help
each other as any Christians should. 2.
Galatians
6:1
says that the spiritual one should restore the one overtaken in a
sin. Wives, your role of subjection does not mean you must sit
silently while your husbands sin. Rather, your role of helper
means you must help restore them. Keep in mind, Paul and Peter
both agree in these passages, that this help is to be given in
gentleness, with a quiet and meek spirit. Your role as helper on
the journey to heaven is not to be administered by berating and
blistering. Rather, by gently reminding your husbands of the
scriptures and admonishing them to do better and by leading an
exemplary life—even if he does not. C.
Wives, manage your homes (I
Timothy 5:14). 1.
One of the main aspects of the wife’s role as helper in
the family is to manage the house. This aspect is not about who
makes the money. Regardless of who makes the money, the wife is to
make sure the affairs of the home run smoothly. She is to make
sure the family has food and clothing. She is to make sure the
family’s needs are provided. She is to make sure the home is a
place where all of the family, including herself, wants to be. 2.
Look again at the virtuous wife of Proverbs
31:21. The wife was not afraid of snow. She would be ready
because she did not just think about the moment, but about what
emergencies might possibly come up in the future. How often have
we ended up in emergencies and dire straits, when the real issue
was not so much what had happened to us, but the fact that up to
that point we had lived as if nothing would ever happen to us?
Wives you must help by managing your homes, preparing for the
future. D.
Wives, guard your homes (Titus
2:5). 1.
While the NKJV says “homemakers” the term translated
here literally means a “house guard.” The wife’s job is to
guard the home from the ravenous wolves that would come in and
destroy the home. She is to guard the home from evil influences
that would destroy the purity of her children and her husband. 2.
Husbands, note this carefully, your wife is given this
role. I believe it is because women, in general, are more
sensitive to what is inappropriate than men. We must allow our
wives to establish the standards of decency in our homes (so long
as it fits within God’s word). Those times when we think she may
be “going overboard” or being a little extreme. The truth
probably is that we are simply not in line with God’s strict
standards for decency. Wives, you are to be the guards. Husbands,
you are to let her be the guard. II.
“Wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22). A.
Wives, submit to your own husbands (Ephesians
5:22). 1.
The term for “submit” was primarily a Greek military
term, which referred to arranging troops under the command of a
leader. In a non-military use, it was a voluntary attitude of
giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility and carrying a
burden. This term says absolutely nothing about the relative
importance of the one submitting to the one in authority. This is
simply a term of roles on a team. We need to understand that
God’s system of having one in authority and one who submits is
very much a practical issue. As with any group that is working
together to accomplish goals, someone must be in the lead and have
the final authority. Others must follow. It is that way in the
church, in the business world, in sports teams and in our
families. 2.
Some order had to be established, else families would be
full of dysfunction. God gave the role of headship to the husband
and the role of followership to the wife. Since our world has
summarily dispensed with God’s order, families are typically
full of dysfunction. 3.
Please, note two things. First, wives you are to submit to
your own husbands. You are not to submit to other men. You are not
to submit to your girlfriends’ ideas of how your family should
be. You are not to submit to popular opinion. You are to submit to
your own husbands. Second, the only exception to this rule is
found in the principle of Acts
5:29. You are to obey God rather than man. If your husband’s
lead is taking you into sin, then you are not to follow. B.
Wives, submit as to the Lord (Ephesians
5:22). 1.
Paul is quite clear and really leaves no room for
equivocation on this point. Not only are you to submit to your
husbands. You are to do so as to the Lord. In other words, how
would you treat God almighty if He were the one standing there
making the decision? That is the way you are to treat your
husbands. 2.
Of course, someone will say, “If God almighty were
standing here, He would not be acting the way my husband is
acting.” That is most certainly true. Remember what Peter said
in I Peter 3:1-2. Even
if your husband is not obeying the word, whether a Christian or
otherwise, your responsibility is to be submissive. Amazingly,
Peter points out that in this way, husbands will be won, that is,
through a wife’s submission many ungodly husbands will be turned
to godliness. Regrettably, most wives today do not take this
approach. Rather, when their husbands live in an ungodly fashion
and treat them abominably, they rise up and rebel, laying down
ultimatums and threats. In my experience, I have seen the
submission of wives work wonders in husband’s lives, though not
always. I have never yet seen the rebellion of a wife who has
finally had enough ever bring a husband to repentance. C.
Wives, submit with obedience (Titus
2:5). 1.
Submission means obedience. As we discovered earlier, in
all institutions, someone has to have the final right of authority
to make the decision and then the others are to step in line and
follow through. The wife’s role, once the decision has been made
is to obey. 2.
We may ask, “But, what if the wife does not agree with
her husband? What if she is certain her husband’s choice is
wrong and is not the best?” We need to understand that this
command is not really followed until the wife is put to the test
in these kinds of situations. If someone is obedient to God, only
when they agree with God, but then they do their own thing when
they disagree with God, who were they really obeying all along?
The same is true in marriage, if the wife only follows the
husbands lead so long as he is going the way she wanted to go all
along, then she is not really obeying or submitting to her husband
but to her own will. D.
Wives, submit with respect (Ephesians
5:33). 1.
Wives, you are to revere and honor your husbands. Far too
many wives decide they will submit obediently, but then spend
their whole time arguing about it. Then, if the husband’s
decision does in fact turn out to be incorrect, they take that
opportunity to say, “See, I told you so.” This is not honor,
respect and reverence. 2.
Interestingly, in Titus
2:4, when Paul told Timothy that the older women ought to
teach the younger women to love their husbands. He did not use the
same term as when he told husbands to love their wives. Instead of
using “agapao,” he used “phileo.” From past studies we
have learned that this love is the relational love that says, “I
esteem and adore you above all others.” This is another aspect
of the respect wives need to have for their husbands. 3.
But I have known many unrespectable husbands. Their wives
consistently ask, “How can I respect, revere and honor this
man?” The answer is simply to find something, anything, even if
it is only small and start demonstrating your respect and honor
for him in that area. At the same time, stop verbally and visibly
disrespecting him for the things he does that are not so pleasing.
You will be amazed what impact that will have on your husband. Conclusion: Wives, as we told the husbands in our last lesson, your role is mutually exclusive of whether or not he is fulfilling his. You are not allowed to forsake your responsibilities in the home and say, “Well, he started it.” This is faith’s test. Do you really believe God’s way is best, even when your husband does not always do things God’s way? I Timothy 5:14 demonstrates the importance of wives fulfilling their roles. If they do not, the adversary has a cause to speak reproachfully. That is, Satan will have an accusation to make against us before the judge. The way we behave in our homes, will affect our standing on the Day of Judgment. As we learned last week, husbands, you must lead with love. Wives, you must help in submission. Let us all work together to pass these tests of faith.
Glory
to God in the church by Christ Jesus
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