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Introduction:
The story is told of a boy who passed on a rumor about his
neighbor. It made the neighbor look bad and by contrast, the boy
looked good. For a time, he was happy in this gossip. But after a
few weeks, when someone passed on a rumor about him, he realized
how painful such stories were. He went to his neighbor, humbled,
penitent and apologetic. The wise neighbor accepted the apology
but asked the boy to do him a favor. “Go home and get your
feather pillow,” the neighbor said. “Slice it open and then
come back to my house allowing the feathers to trail behind
you.” The boy did so. When he returned to the neighbor’s
house, the neighbor then said, “Now go collect all the feathers
so we can mend your pillow.” The boy turned around and noticed
that the feathers were being blown all over the neighborhood by
the wind. He raced after them but had only been able to collect
about half of them. He told the neighbor, “This is impossible. I
can never collect them all.” To which the neighbor responded,
“That is just like the gossip you spread about me. You have
apologized and I accept your apology. But the damage is
irreversible. You can never recall the story from the minds of all
who have now heard it.”
Nobody likes a gossiping busybody. Yet, many Christians
participate in gossip repeatedly. As we read in our “Give
Attention to Reading” plan this week, Paul told Timothy younger
widows should not be placed on the church’s benevolent roll
because they will become idle. That idleness would breed bad
habits such as being a gossip and a busybody (I
Timothy 5:11-14). But what is gossip? When are we actually
gossiping? Why should we avoid it? How should the Christian behave
instead of gossip? How easy it is to rebuke and condemn idolaters,
adulterers, homosexuals and murderers, but overlook our “little
bitty sin” of gossip. Examine the scripture and see how big
gossip really is and what we must do about it. Discussion: I.
Definition of gossip and slander: A.
In the Bible we hear about gossip or slander, but what
exactly is it? Consider some definitions. B.
“A secret slanderer, versus…a backbiter who does his
slandering openly.” (Spiros Zodhiates, Lexical Aids to the New Testament.) C.
“Slander. The speaking of base and defamatory words
tending to prejudice another in his reputation…” (Black’s Law Dictionary.) D.
“Slander: 3. To disgrace; to dishonor; to discredit.” (Webster’s New Twentieth
Century Dictionary.) E.
Based on these definitions, consider some misconceptions of
gossip. 1.
“If
it is true, it isn’t gossip.”
Gossip and slander is anything we say if we intend to prejudice
folks against someone or are attempting to dishonor and discredit
someone. It may well be true that a brother or sister once
committed adultery. There may be times in which it is appropriate
to share that information, but if your purpose is to prejudice
someone against them, to dishonor or discredit them, then you are
gossiping and slandering them. 2.
“I
didn’t mean to mar that person’s reputation, so I didn’t
gossip.” The first problem is we often ascribe to ourselves the best
possible motives and act as if we are innocent while we deceive
ourselves and everyone around us. Few people would openly state
their purpose was to make someone else look bad. But how often do
we share things not necessarily to make them look bad, but rather
to make ourselves look good in comparison? That is just as much
gossip and slander. Further, how would you have spoken about them
if you purposefully meant not to mar their reputation? Would you
say whatever is on your mind? The problem is we are sometimes like
little children, speaking without thinking and afterwards saying,
“I didn’t mean to.” If we will avoid gossip and slander, we
must mean not to. 3.
“I
don’t want to gossip. I just want to let you know.”
Why? Must I know about it? Must I know to help the person overcome
sin? Have you spoken to them about it already? Are you coming to
me as a witness after you already spoke to them? Or do you just
want to pass on a bit of juicy information you heard about a
person? More often what this means is, “I don’t like something
about this person and I want you to know how I am different from
them.” The fact is, if you don’t like something about a
person, you need to talk to that person, not everyone else. If you
are not talking to them, then keep your mouth shut. 4.
“I
don’t mean to gossip; I just thought you might be able to
help.” Since when is it helpful to anyone to pass on their secrets
to someone else? Would you find that helpful to you if someone did
that for you? Matthew
18:15-17 explains who we should talk to first when someone
is doing something wrong. If we haven’t talked to them, we
shouldn’t be talking to anyone. Only after talking to the person
who has sinned and seeing their refusal to repent should we talk
to anyone else. 5.
“I
would say this in front of them, so this is not gossip.” Why don’t we wait until we are in front of the person and see if this
is true? In fact, why don’t we call them right now and let you
tell them face to face? The fact is, if you feel the need to
preface your statement with this, you probably should keep your
mouth shut. By the way, keep in mind the definition from Spiros
Zodhiates, the fact that you will say it in front of someone
doesn’t necessarily mean you are not gossiping right now. It may
mean that you are also a malicious backbiter. F.
One thing I have learned about gossip through this study is
there is no precise definition with which we can draw lines
claiming we can say so much about a person but no more. Far too
many times we want to draw lines so we can know how much we can
get away with and stay close to that line. However, gossip is
something that starts in the heart. The diligent Christian
doesn’t seek to walk the line. Rather, because the diligent
Christian loves God and people, he/she follows the principle of Ephesians
4:29-32, not allowing any corrupting speech but only what
gives a blessing to those who hear. The Christian doesn’t speak
out of malice, bitterness or resentment but rather from kindness,
tender-heartedness and forgiveness. II.
How wrong can gossip be? A.
Proverbs
26:20—Like
wood feeding a fire, gossip feeds strife. So many conflicts are
never resolved because of gossip behind the scenes. B.
Psalm
15:1, 3—Gossip
and slander will keep us from being able to dwell with God. C.
Psalm
50:19-22—Slanderers
and gossips are among those who have forgotten God and they will
be torn apart in judgment. D.
Romans
1:28-32—Gossip
is part of the debased mind to which God gives up those who will
not honor Him properly. It is classed among some of the greatest
of immoralities. E.
I
Timothy 3:11—God
considers gossip so bad that even if a man himself is not a gossip
but his wife is, he is not qualified to be a deacon. By
implication, neither is he qualified to be an elder. F.
James
1:26—If
we do not bridle our tongues, including from gossip, our religion
is in vain. III.
A portrait of a gossip. A.
If you really want to see what a gossip looks like to God,
examine Psalm
64. In vss.
1-2, David is crying out for God to deliver him from his
enemies. What are these enemies doing? Are they laying siege to
Jerusalem? Are they torturing him? Are they pursuing him to kill
him? No, they are talking about him. They are gossiping and
slandering him. Look at the portrait of a gossip in Psalm
64:3-6. B.
Psalm
64:3—We
may think our words are harmless, but the tongue of a gossip is
maiming sword and his/her words are wounding arrows. Even the
worldly can recognize how bad gossip is. Consider the following
essay reportedly from the pen of Ann Landers entitled
“Nobody’s Friend.” My
name is gossip. I have no respect for justice. I maim without
killing. I break hearts and ruin lives. I am cunning and malicious
and gather strength with age. The more I am quoted the more I am
believed. I flourish at every level of society. My victims are
helpless. They cannot protect themselves against me because I have
no name and no face. To track me down is impossible. The harder
you truy, the more elusive I become. I am nobody’s friend. Once
I tarnish a reputation, it is never the same. I topple governments
and wreck marriages. I ruin careers and cause sleepless nights,
heartache and indigestion. I spawn suspicion and generate grief. I
make innocent people cry in their pillows. Even my names hisses. I
am called Gossip. Office Gossip. Shop Gossip. Telephone Gossip.
Church Gossip. I make headlines and headaches. Before
you repeat a story ask yourself, is it true? It is fair? Is it
necessary? If not—KEEP IT TO YOURSELF.” C.
Psalm
64:4—Gossipers
are selfish cowards. They do not love people and therefore want to
help them. Instead they want to attack. But even then they will
not attack in the open where the victims can see and have
opportunity to defend themselves. They will speak ill of a person
when one on one with someone else, but get them in a group of
people or in front of the person, and they will keep quiet. They
often pick as their targets those who are without blame. Sadly,
because of this cowardly tactic, the one shot, may not even know
it for days, weeks, months or even years. The victims are often
unsuspecting about what goes on behind their backs. D.
Psalm
64:5-6—The
gossip is a schemer. They are part of a conspiracy. That is an
interesting picture, but think about it. It always takes at least
two to gossip. The one speaking and the one listening. These
gossipers are like conspirators setting a trap for the innocent. E.
Brethren, think about this picture. This is what God sees
when we start talking about other people. This is what God sees
when we listen to what is said about other people. IV.
The outcome for the gossiper. A.
Continuing in Psalm
64:7-8, we learn that while gossipers and slanderers
believe they are in hiding and are, therefore, protected, they are
in for a rude awakening and strong judgment. B.
We may be able to hide our gossip from our victims, but we
cannot hide it from God. While we hide in the bushes to spread our
slander, aiming our word darts at those who cannot see us, God is
taking aim to pierce us with wounds. We will be brought to ruin by
our own words. Not only is God specifically going to judge us, but
the point is that there are simply natural consequences to being a
gossip and slanderer. As Galatians
5:15 says, if we bite and devour one another, we will be
consumed by one another. V.
Our response to gossip. A.
Psalm
64:9-10—Seeing
the outcome of gossip, the righteous should respond with fear of
God. We will ponder what He has done to those who have taken part
in this secret plotting of the wicked and we will refrain from
gossip. Further, we will not gossip and slander in return for
those who gossip against us. Rather, we will entrust ourselves to
and take refuge in God. B.
Matthew
18:15-17—When
someone gossip’s against us, we do not respond by gossiping in
return. We do not talk to everyone else, instead we go to the
gossip and talk to them. But we do not do this in vengeance. We do
it from an attempt to regain our brother or sister whose sin is
separating them from God and us. C.
Proverbs
20:19—The
wise path is to avoid gossips. In that way, we avoid the
temptation to gossip ourselves. Further, we do not reveal our
secrets to those who will pass them on and thereby avoid being the
targets of much gossip and slander. D.
Ecclesiastes
7:21-22—This
one is tough, but don’t take slander and gossip too seriously,
whether it is against you or against others. As we have all been
party to gossip, we can recognize how idle and false it is. Take
all things heard in gossip with a grain of salt, reproving the
gossiper for his sin. Conclusion: Paul took gossip so seriously, he directed that younger widows to get married because it is too easy for them to become idle and start gossiping (I Timothy 5:13). Ephesians 4:29 says no corrupting talk should come out of our mouths. Our job is to build others up with our speech, not tear them down, whether we are in their presence or not. Let us give grace, not poison, to those who hear us.
Glory
to God in the church by Christ Jesus
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