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Introduction: Have
you ever had to advise someone about an issue with which you have
no experience? It is not easy is it? In such cases you first try
to seek counsel from someone who has had experience, then your
advice has more credibility. I find myself in that same situation
with this lesson as I attempt to preach to women. I propose to
teach you about being a wife and mother, yet, I have never been
either. So, instead of giving you my advice, I have sought the
counsel of one who has had experience. The woman who gave this
advice is the mother of King Lemuel (Solomon), recorded in Proverbs
31:10-31.
As we examine her advice note three different ways in which
this advice should be used. First, any woman should view this as
advice for how she should conduct herself as a wife and mother.
Second, Lemuel’s mother was actually intending this as advice
for seeking a marriage partner. So, unmarried men, if they desire
to have happy marriages, should view this as advice for seeking a
spouse. Finally, parents with daughters should view this as a
guide for training them. Discussion: I. Why would any woman want to be a virtuous wife? A.
The answer
to this question is very simple, she has what every woman wants.
She has what even the modern feminists are crying out for, begging
for and competing for. B.
She has a
husband who trusts her (Proverbs
31:11). Her husband does not doubt her, second-guess her or
constantly question her work. He has faith and confidence in her. C.
She adds
value to her family and community, providing for her family (vs. 15), for those in need (vs.
20) and even impacting merchants and businesses (vs. 24). D.
She has
great strength (vss. 17, 25).
E.
She has
confidence, not fear, about the future (vss.
21, 25). Instead of fearing because snow may come, she
rejoices over what is to come, “she smiles at the future” (NASB). F.
Finally, she
has praise and honor from her children, who rise up and call her
blessed (vs. 28); her
husband, who does not look to other women but claims she excels
all others (vs. 28-29); her community, who praises her in the gates (vs.
31); and her God (vs.
30). II.
The virtuous
wife’s governing principle—she does good to her husband always
(vs. 12). A.
Everything
else she does is to accomplish this purpose. In the beginning, God
created Eve to be a helper for Adam (Genesis
2:18). The virtuous wife does not hinder or harm her husband.
Rather, her help is so great that according to vs.
23, her husband will be known in the gates and will sit among
the elders in the land. B.
To modern
feminists, the wife is not her husband’s helper. She is his
competitor. Her goal is to prove that anything he can do, she can
do better. In contrast, the virtuous wife says, “Anything you
can do, I can help you do better.” Modern feminists do not want
wives to act in such a way that their husbands will be “known in
the gates”. They want wives to usurp that position, showing that
they should have that honor and praise. However, while the
virtuous wife does not compete for honor in the gates, she
receives it anyway (vs. 31). She receives praise by helping, not competing. Feminists
fail where the worthy woman will win. III.
The virtuous
wife’s industry—she is a willing worker (vss.
13-14). A.
This woman
seeks for wool and flax, making clothing for her household.
Additionally, she brings her food from afar. That is, she does not
just do what is convenient for her, but what is best to provide
for her household. According to vs. 19, she works with the spindle and the distaff, she is a weaver.
According to vss. 21-25,
she makes clothes for herself, her family and even uses her
ability to provide for others and make a profit that will provide
even more for her family. B.
What amazes
me the most about this is this woman is a king’s wife who has
maidservants. Why should she do any work? She ought to be able to
sit around and live it up while all her servants do the work. But
the worthy woman does not sit around eating the bread of idleness
(vs. 27). Instead she
works, not because she is forced, but because she wants to. IV.
The virtuous
wife’s role—she is a manager of the home (vss.
15-18). A.
The virtuous
wife demonstrates how to manage the home as commanded in I Timothy 5:14. B.
According to
vs. 15, she rations and
apportions based on needs. She does not waste based on desires.
According to vs. 16,
she considers and thinks through her dealings with the household
assets. She does not behave rashly, based on emotion and feelings.
Also according to vs. 16, when she gains profit, she reinvests it in her family and
her household. She does not use it simply to increase pleasure and
enjoyment. C.
According to
vs. 18, she is
confident that what she is doing is right and good. And based on vss.
15 and 18, she is
so disciplined and serious about her duty as a manager and guide
in the home that she rises early and stays up late. V.
The virtuous
wife’s attitude—she is selfless (vss.
19-20). A.
Too many
today look at their own profits as only for themselves. They are
greedy and selfish. But the worthy woman manages her home and the
finances of her home in such a way that she may help those who are
in need. Paul gave this charge to all of us in Ephesians
4:28. We are to work so that we will be able to give to those
in need. B.
We see this
spirit exemplified in Tabitha/Dorcas in Acts
9:36, 39. The worthy woman is not filled with greed and is not
selfish. Rather, she spends herself in serving others. VI.
The virtuous
wife’s discipline—she prepares for the future (vs.
21-25). A.
Having her
household clothed warmly when the snows come is given as an
illustration of the author’s real point. She is prepared for
what may come in the future. Though major snowstorms are quite
rare in Jerusalem, the virtuous wife would be prepared. Instead of
thinking about what was pleasurable at the moment, she made sure
preparations for the future were made first. When the snowstorms
came, she would not be destitute or at the mercy of others’
charity. She would be prepared and so she smiled at her future. B.
Far too many
times we get into major problems because we did not prepare. We
knew that a certain thing might happen (a medical emergency) or
will happen (car breaking down), but we do not prepare for it.
However, we act as though when those things occur the money will
come from nowhere. In these situations, the “snowstorm” is a
long way off and we do not prepare for it. We spend our money on
pleasures for the moment. When the snowstorm eventually comes we
act as if there was nothing that could be done and now we deserve
benevolence. But the virtuous wife avoids those circumstances
because she is disciplined and prepared. VII.
The virtuous wife’s speech—she controls her tongue (vs.
26). A.
When the
worthy woman speaks, her words are not hasty and rash. Her words
are filled with wisdom—a wisdom, by the way, that even her
husband recognizes. Her speech is not biting, sarcastic and cruel.
Rather, it is controlled by kindness. B.
James
explained how difficult the tongue can be and what kind of
problems it can cause (James
3:2-12). There are many, otherwise seemingly good women, whose
souls will be lost because they do not follow the example of this
worthy woman and control their tongues. Words can destroy
relationships. They can destroy husbands. They can destroy
children. They can destroy churches. They can destroy souls—both
the speaker’s and the hearer’s. But at the same time, words
can heal and save. Do not miss how important this point is. VIII.
The virtuous
wife’s focus—she watches her household, not everyone else’s
(vs. 27). A.
This passage
provides an interesting contrast about this worthy woman. Instead
of being idle, she watches her household. But what does this
contrast mean? B.
The term
“watch” used in Proverbs
31:27 is used elsewhere to refer to a watchman [I
Samuel 14:16; II Samuel 18:24; et
al]. This is similar to Titus
2:5. Wives are to be “homemakers” (NKJV) or “keepers at
home” (KJV). The idea is, they keep watch over the home. That
is, they watch to keep their household safe from harm and evil
influence. This is a full-time job. It keeps a woman busy and
keeps her from being idle. C.
The
contrasting idleness of Proverbs
31:27 is described by Paul in I
Timothy 5:13. This idleness will lead a woman to be a gossip
and a busybody. That is, because she is not looking to her own
household as she ought, she is looking to everyone else’s. D.
I have to
admit, I have some difficulty in explaining this point. Because,
on the one hand, those who are gossips and busybodies typically do
not view themselves in that way. Rather, they think they are being
the virtuous wife, doling out wise advice to those who need it. On
the other hand, worthy and excellent women who have sage wisdom to
share, typically refrain from helping others because they fear
they are being busybodies. As an outside observer, I will not
always be able to tell which one you are. But perhaps you can
examine yourself by asking the following questions. Please, do not
ask these questions about other women. Think about yourself. 1.
Have you
first looked at your own house? That is the whole point of Proverbs 31:27. The worthy woman has looked at her own household
first. Often busybodies and gossips are busy trying to get the
mote out of the eyes of others, while the beam is in their own. 2.
Is your
advice really given to help others or to demonstrate how special
and wise you are? 3.
Are you
saddened when you hear about problems other families are facing,
or do you like hearing about them so you can be in the middle of
them and thus feel important? 4.
When you
give advice, is it backed up by the Bible or is it your own
opinion? 5.
Do you tell
third parties about someone’s problems and your advice to them?
Busybodies and gossips often do this. Sometimes they justify it by
saying, “I thought you should know,” or “Maybe you can do
something about it.” Sometimes they justify it by saying,
“Well, I know their problem is with you.” The worthy woman
keeps problems and advice confidential and if someone has a
problem with someone else, she sends or takes them to that person.
She does not go herself. 6.
Finally, as
I listed the other questions, did you disregard my direction to
not ask these questions about other women but think only about
yourself? If you spent more time thinking about other women, you
are probably a busybody. IX.
The virtuous
wife’s motivation—she fears God (vs.
30). A.
Why does the
excellent wife do all the things presented in this chapter? Her
motivation is not about her relationship with her husband, her
children or her community. Rather, she acts in this way because of
her relationship with God. She is so serious and devoted to her
responsibilities as a worthy woman, wife and mother because she
fears God. She knows that God expects some things of her and she
does not want to fall short of His expectations. B.
Regrettably
few people today fill their roles and responsibilities because
they fear God. Typically they act the way they feel like acting,
based on what they think will give them the most pleasure.
Sometimes they act the way society has prescribed, not wanting to
appear different or even old-fashioned. The worthy woman does not
act based on feelings, pleasures and enjoyments. She acts based on
what is right, responsible and mature because she wants to please
God. She is not worried about fitting in with her society or some
politically correct view of her role. She is thinking about when
she will stand before God in judgment. She wants to receive His
praise. Of course, the amazing thing is, this worthy woman will
not only receive God’s praise, but as we earlier noticed, she
also receives praise and honor from her husband, her children and
even from her community. She receives what so many want. But she
receives it because she did not make seeking the honor of men her
goal. Rather, her goal was pleasing the almighty God. Conclusion: As we conclude, I would like to share another interesting observation. Lemuel’s mother said this woman’s worth is far above jewels. Why is that so? It is so because this woman is rarer than fine jewels. My prayer is that this congregation be a jewel mine.
Glory
to God in the church by Christ Jesus
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