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Introduction:
One of the biggest political minefields today surrounds marriage.
What is it? Who can be involved in it? As Christians, we recognize
one very simple issue about marriage. God created marriage (Genesis
2:18-25). Marriage is not an evolutionary byproduct or a
development of ever increasing civilized society. Marriage is an
institution designed by God. It does not matter what our society
thinks about marriage or how different cultures throughout history
have viewed marriage. What matters is how God views marriage. What
are God’s guidelines? Genesis
2:24 provides the outline for us: “For this reason a man
shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife;
and they shall become on flesh.” Discussion: I.
Leave your father and mother A.
Because God fashioned woman specifically as man’s helper,
the man is to leave father and mother. The child’s helper is his
parents. However, God did not create parents to be the lifelong
helper and companion. God created women to be the lifelong helper
and companion of man. By extension, man is the lifelong helper and
companion of woman. B.
As we consider leaving father and mother, there are three
areas in which we must leave. 1.
Leaving
materially:
In I Timothy 5:8, Paul wrote, “If anyone does not provide for his
own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the
faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” God expects us to
provide for our own. Grown children must learn to make a return to
their parents, but parents of grown children are no longer
responsible to provide for them. Parenting is about producing
mature adult children who leave. I cannot draw exact lines. Some
may choose to leave when they graduate high school, some when they
graduate college. However, I can draw this line from Genesis
2:24, when you marry you are to leave Mom and Dad. If you
cannot provide for a family of your own, you have no business
getting married. Parents of grown children—I do not believe this
disallows any and all help of grown children. But let me say a
growing problem among people of my generation is we do not take
care of ourselves. We expect mom and dad to care for us. Mom and
Dad, if your child is married and you are constantly providing
their wants and needs, you are not helping them. You are crippling
them. You are enabling them to avoid the realities of marriage by
God in which we leave our father and mother. 2.
Leaving
emotionally:
Some leave Mom and Dad materially but remain emotionally. This is
marked nowhere more distinctly than when husband and wife have a
disagreement and call up Mom and Dad to talk about it, commiserate
or gain emotional support. What did we already note? Mom and Dad
are not our lifelong helpers. Our spouse is. I understand the
command to honor father and mother (Ephesians
6:2) is a lifelong command. However, in marriage, our
responsibility, men, is to nurture and cherish our wives, not our
parents (Ephesians 5:29). In marriage your responsibility, ladies, is to
submit to and respect your husbands, not your parents (Ephesians 5:22, 33). If in the inevitable family conflicts that
arise, you find yourselves consistently taking up the defense of
your parents instead of your spouse, there is likely a problem.
From experience, I can tell you how easy it is to make this
mistake. Parents, if you see your grown up, married children doing
this, stop them. 3.
Leaving
spiritually:
I trust your parents taught you the truth about Jesus and serving
Him. Leaving your parents spiritually does not necessarily mean
abandoning what they taught. If they taught error, you must
abandon their erring faith. However, if they taught truth and you
abandon it simply to exercise your independence, you are going to
be in trouble. Do you remember the generation that did not know
God of Judges 2:10? Leaving your parent’s spiritually means developing
your own faith. That is, obeying the truth because you have
determined it is truth, not because you are simply doing what Mom
and Dad did or simply trying to please them. Remember the
principle of Ezekiel 14:14,
20. You cannot be saved by your parents’ righteousness. You
can only be saved by God’s grace through your own faith. C.
Marriage by God means leaving Father and Mother. If you are
not ready to do that, you are not ready to marry. If you have
married and you haven’t done that, repent and leave. It won’t
be easy. We need to disabuse ourselves of the notion that life and
marriage are meant to be easy. II.
Be joined to your wife (husband) A.
I like the rhyming sound of the King James Version. The man
is to leave and cleave. Leave his father and mother and cleave to
his wife. The word translated “be joined” or “cleave,”
according to Strong’s Enhanced Lexicon is “dabaq” and means
to cling to or to stay with. It is the same word used in Deuteronomy 10:20; 11:22 to describe how the Jews were to cling to
God. It describes how the punishments of God will cling to the
Israelites if they disobeyed God in Deuteronomy
28:60. See also Joshua
22:5; 23:8, 12; Ruth 1:14; II Kings 5:27. On we could go. We
are to leave our parents and grasp or cling to our spouses. B.
God has provided our husbands and wives as our source of
help and companionship. We should grab hold of them and never let
them go. According to Matthew
19:5-6, God joins us together. Something amazing happens when
a man and woman get married. God acts. He forges a union upon
which basis we are to act accordingly. C.
As Jesus commented on what God did in the creation of
marriage, He said, “What God has joined together, let no man
separate” (Matthew 19:6).
He said this in response to the Pharisees’ question, “Is it
lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?” (Matthew 19:3). Jesus’ answer was a resounding, “No.” It is not
lawful. What God has joined together, man is not allowed to
separate. Please notice, Jesus did not say “man is unable to
separate.” He said man is not allowed to separate it. That means
man is able to undo this work of God. However, if man separates
what God has joined, man has sinned. Malachi
2:16 is quite clear. God said, “I hate divorce.” He did
not say, “I hate the divorced.” He said, “I hate divorce.” D.
To my knowledge, according to scripture there are only two
divorced people who are not sinning in their divorce. According to
Matthew 19:9, Jesus
demonstrated that divorcing your spouse because they have
committed sexual immorality is lawful. Further, I
Corinthians 7:15 demonstrates that if one spouse abandons the
marriage, the abandoned believer is not sinning by letting the
abandoner leave. Regarding remarriage. The one who has divorced
their spouse because they committed fornication may lawfully marry
without committing adultery. The one who has been divorced for any
other reason is only free to marry their initial lawful spouse (I
Corinthians 7:10-11). I know this is not popular. I know how
many people will cry, “But surely God doesn’t expect me to put
up with such and such.” “Surely, God thinks it is better to be
happy while divorced than miserable while married.” Some will
tell me how bad their spouse is, “My husband calls me names.”
Or “My wife wastes our money.” “My husband is a drinker and
a gambler.” “My wife won’t keep the house clean.” “My
husband won’t work.” “My spouse is emotionally and mentally
abusive.” Friends and brethren, we must remember Proverbs 3:5. We are not free to submit to our understanding. We
must trust the Lord. If God has set us free to divorce for any
reason other than sexual immorality, please show me where He has
said so. We live in a society that increasingly accepts the
destruction of marriage bonds forged by God. Sadly, churches and
Christians are following the same path. We have to decide if we
will model our marriages after the world, or after the Word. God
said, “Cleave to your spouse.” III.
Become one flesh A.
Sadly, many people have read this and acted as though the
whole purpose of marriage is in order to have sex lawfully. While
sexual union is part of this statement, it is not the primary
part. B.
Consider what Paul wrote to husbands in Ephesians
5:25-31. Paul relates a husband and wife to Christ and the
church. Notice the parallel. Because the church (Christians) are
part of Christ’s one body, He nourishes and cherishes us. In
like manner, because the wife is one flesh or a member of the
husband’s one body, he is to nourish and cherish her. Becoming
one flesh in marriage is primarily an issue of loving and
voluntary union—a man and woman bonding themselves together
based upon the bond God forged between them. This is the way Jesus
uses the term in Matthew 19:6. “One flesh” in that verse did not refer to
something a husband and wife do, but what the husband and wife
are. Before we comment further on sexual union, let us notice who
is allowed to enter this one flesh union. One man and one woman. I
Corinthians 7:2 says each man is to have his own wife and each
woman her own husband. Amazingly, the Greek word for “wife” is
the same as the Greek word for “woman.” The Greek word for
“husband” is the same as the Greek word for “man.” One
husband with one wife. One woman with one man. No other union is
allowed in scripture, period. C.
Sexual union is a physical expression of what is supposed
to be taking place emotionally, mentally and spiritually. When a
man and woman vow to be complementing partners with each other,
they draw close to one another. They do this through common work,
through conversation, through intimacy and ultimately through
sexual union. Because we are “one flesh” with our spouses, we
are to participate in being “one flesh” with our spouse and no
one else. Paul is making this point in I
Corinthians 6:16. When someone has sexual union with a
prostitute, when someone commits fornication, they have “become
one flesh” with them. The point is, we are only to become one
flesh with the person to whom God has joined us and made us one
flesh. We are not to become one flesh with someone to whom we are
not married. D.
Let us make sure this is absolutely clear. I especially
want our young unmarrieds to understand this. Teenagers, listen
up. Sex is for marriage. Hebrews
13:4 says marriage is honorable and the marriage bed
undefiled. Every other sexual contact is condemned. Young men, it
does not matter how hot and bothered you are. It does not matter
what your buddies are doing. What matters is will you glorify God
in your body, being one spirit with Him instead of becoming one
flesh with some girl to whom you are not married. Young ladies, it
does not matter how much he promises he loves you. It does not
matter how much you want to express love to him. What matters is
will you glorify God in your body, being one spirit with Him
instead of becoming one flesh with a boy to whom you are not
married. If you have not yet become one by God’s joining you in
marriage, you must not become one flesh in sexual union. E.
Finally, regarding being one flesh with your spouse. 1.
Men, read Proverbs
5:15-23. I have to be blunt here because so many dance around
this subject and never nail it down clearly. We must not disperse
our sexuality abroad. We must be exhilarated with our own wife’s
love. We are not to be exhilarated with our fantasies of what we
want our wife’s love to be. We are to be satisfied with our own
wife’s breasts. We are not to go searching the internet,
playboy, the Sports Illustrates Swimsuit edition or Victoria’s
Secrets catalogue for someone else’s. You have heard the
statement, “Just because I’m on a diet doesn’t mean I
can’t look at the menu.” That is Satan’s lie. You aren’t
on a diet, you are in a covenant with your wife and you must not
deal with her treacherously by eating the eye-candy of other
women. Keep your eyes and your hands to yourself. For men, this is
the destroyer of the union with our wives. We must not allow it. 2.
Ladies, read Titus
2:4. The point of this verse may not be quite as obvious to
you as the men’s verse was to them. This verse says you are to
love your husbands. However, the word translated love here is not
the one we most commonly hear about. It is not “agape” love.
It is “phileo” love. This love means to esteem and adore above
all others. You are not to reserve a place in your heart to esteem
and adore other men above your husbands. You are not left room to
fantasize that your husband is Sir Galahad. Your husband is who he
is and you are to learn to esteem him and adore him above all
others. Just as men have the tendency to betray their wives with
their eyes, women can betray their husbands with their hearts,
engendering fantasy relationships with other men—even if those
fantasies do not actually include sexual union. How easy it is to
wish your husband were like your friend’s husband who does all
the things your man won’t. How easy it is to wish your husband
were like the television character who is perfect in every way.
How easy it is to wish your husband were like an ex-boyfriend, who
you have now built up in your mind as the one you wish you had
stayed with. For women, this is the destroyer of the union with
your husbands. You must not allow it. Conclusion: Here is marriage by God. Leave your father and mother. Cling to your spouse. Be one flesh with each other and only each other. How does your marriage measure up?
Glory
to God in the church by Christ Jesus
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