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Introduction:
One of the most challenging tasks of all time is parenting.
There are some challenges, though, more difficult than
others—for instance, the challenge of dealing with a child who,
after years of training, decides to turn his back on the
instruction of his parents and the will of God. The prodigal
causes a great amount of anxiety, worry and disappointment for a
parent. How should this child be dealt with? We find some answers
in the Parable of the Prodigal Son in Luke
15. I recognize that the father in this parable is
representative of our heavenly Father. However, I also recognize
that as He is the perfect Father, we who are fallible parents
ought to emulate Him. Notice four attitudes and actions the Father
has over wayward children, learning to apply these things to your
parenting. Discussion: I.
Remember, your child must make
his/her own choices. A.
In parenting, our number one responsibility is to train our
children. Under the New Covenant, instruction is one of the
greatest commands of parenting taught in Ephesians
6:4. This teaching will not be picked up by osmosis just
because they have been brought to church sometimes. B.
However, when we have spent years of our lives training our
children, we must understand, in the end, they will make their own
decisions. Our actions cannot save them and we cannot make their
choices for them. In the story of the prodigal, we only see the
son when he starts making his own choices. We miss the years of
training the father had put him through, but no doubt, since this
father represents God, it happened. Hebrews
12:7-11 demonstrates that the Father disciplines and trains
His children. Yet this son stepped out and opposed his father’s
training and instruction. What a sad day for this Father. Yet, the
father let the son make his own choice. C.
This is not an exhortation to give children over to their
own desires and choices. This is rather a statement of the way
things are. Our children will make their own choices. While in our
homes, we have the right as parents to govern decisions, no doubt.
But eventually in our homes and out of them, children will choose
for themselves. Our duty is to prepare them for that moment. In
that day, we must do as the prodigal’s father did, remember that
the child will and must make his own decisions. The fact is, if
the child’s only basis for doing things is, “That is what Mom
and Dad said.” They are walking on shaky ground anyway. D.
As difficult and depressing a thought as it is, we must
remember that our actions cannot save our children. Ezekiel
14:14, 20 clearly teaches that one man’s choices cannot save
another. Ezekiel 18
brings the point home to the family. The righteousness of a father
will not and can not save a son. The son himself must submit to
God for himself. There is however, a certain amount of comfort
from understanding this. The prodigal’s father was not lost and
dead just because his son was. Ezekiel
18 demonstrates that if a child casts off the good training of
a good parent and decides to run after wickedness, the father will
not be condemned for it. The father will be judged based on his
service and faithfulness to God. Therefore, while understanding
this point brings some sadness, let us also be made glad that we
need not wallow in the pit of despair over our doing in a
child’s loss. That child made his choice, not us. II.
Allow your child to learn from his/her mistakes. A.
There is no doubt the father loved his child. The
prodigal’s reception back home demonstrates that. But notice
what the father did while the son made his bad choices. The father
stayed at home. The father did not follow the child into the
distant country to clean up the messes the boy made. The father
allowed the son to live with the consequences of his own choices. B.
Far too many parents of prodigals think that they must
demonstrate their love for the child by cleaning up after them.
But that is not what we see from our heavenly Father. We as
parents must let our children choose, fail and learn from failure.
That is the purpose of consequences. That is God’s way of
disciplining our children in hopes to turn them back to the
fathers. C.
Proverbs is
a great book of advice for child-rearing. In this book, the
Proverbialist offers wisdom and instruction to his son. Over and
again the Proverbialist says something like, “My son, give
attention to my wisdom, incline your ear to my understanding” (5:1).
Over and again the Proverbialist tells the child the consequences
of certain actions for instance in Proverbs
5:3-23. More than once the Proverbialist points out how
painful it is for a parent to have a foolish child who doesn’t
seek after the instruction and wisdom taught him by his parents,
i.e. Proverbs 10:1. The
Proverbialist even gives advice to sons who have made foolish
decisions, i.e. Proverbs
6:1-5. But not once, of which I am aware, does the
Proverbialist ever say to his son, when you disregard the wisdom
and instruction of your parents and of God, then come back to me
and I will fix everything. In fact, the one example of advice
above shows the father saying, “When you goofed up, deliver
yourself.” D.
Yet parents today rarely force children to learn from their
mistakes by having to face the consequences of their choices,
whether spiritual, emotional, financial or relational. If you
really want your children to wise up, let them learn by having to
face the consequences. III.
Maintain your hope for the child. A.
How easy it would be for the Prodigal’s parents to lose
hope for their children. Yet, we need to be as Jochobed must have
been with Moses. According to Exodus
2:6-10, Jochobed was able to nurse her son, a process which
lasted for a couple of years. No doubt, for those years, Jochobed
taught Moses who he was and instilled in him his heritage before
he was taken off to the Egyptian palace to be indoctrinated. Can
you imagine the prayers Jochobed and Amram uttered for their son?
According to Hebrews
11:24-25, Moses did not decide to embrace his heritage as a
Jew until he was grown up. Acts 7:23 is a little more specific, saying he went to visit his
brethren when he was forty. Never give up hope. B.
Consider the prodigal’s father. I know it is possible
that the father saw the son afar off because he just happened to
look up and see him. However, I prefer to believe the father was
looking down that path in hope and prayer that he would see his
“lost and dead” child coming back to him. In fact, based on
the parallel parables making the same points about the Father, I
understand that whatever the prodigal’s father was doing in the
parable, God does in fact look for us diligently when we are lost
(Luke 15:4, 8). C.
Additionally, the mere fact that this prodigal came back
after such a time demonstrates we can always maintain our hope and
our prayer for our children’s return to our Father’s
household. I can anecdotally point to my own family’s
circumstance as my grandparents faithfully raised four children in
the knowledge of the truth and God’s way and have watched three
of them depart for the distant country. It took more than 20
years, but two of them returned. In returning, grandchildren that
were being raised in the distant country have also come home to
the Father’s house. One of them is standing here before you.
There is of course the third child in the distant country, but the
other two have taught us all to maintain hope for his salvation as
well. IV.
Rejoice and accept them when they return. A.
When children live as the prodigal, turning their backs on
the instruction and wisdom of their parents, it is easy for a
wedge to be driven between the family members. Thus, even when the
child returns, the parents sometimes continue punishing the child.
B.
The prodigal’s father had no such problem. When the child
returned, he accepted him with open arms and rejoiced at his
arrival. We too should be like this with our children who return.
We should accept them back with rejoicing. Of course, I am dealing
here with spiritual acceptance, not living arrangements. Though,
at times, there might be that acceptance as well. C.
Paul’s admonition regarding fatherhood in Colossians
3:21 addresses this issue. The issue of being discouraged and
downhearted here deals greatly with a child who finds that even
when he does what is right, it is not right enough for his
parents. They continue to criticize and punish. D.
In the family we should model what the church is taught by
Paul in II Corinthians
2:5-8. This is in reference to the brother in I
Corinthians 5 who had been committing fornication with his
stepmother. He had obviously repented and now the church needed to
reaffirm its love and forgiveness. They needed to accept him back
with rejoicing. So should the prodigals’ parents. Conclusion: Parenting a prodigal is, no doubt, a difficult thing to do. Yet the scripture has not left us without advice to help us deal with it. My prayer is that no one here ever has to parent a prodigal. However, if you do, follow these guidelines to see yourself through in God’s grace.
Glory
to God in the church by Christ Jesus
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