I Didn't Mean To

      A crash, a splash, a mess, someone’s crying, doesn’t matter exactly what is the actual outcry that draws my attention to my kids’ actions. Inevitably the same conversation takes place every time with whichever child is being questioned.

      “What on earth have you done?”

      “I didn’t mean to,” responds Crozier child.

      I don’t know how many times I’ve heard this from my kids, from people I have counseled and taught, from myself. How many messes have we got into and our excuse is “I didn’t mean to.”

      Here is the problem. It is not enough to not mean to. We have to mean not to. Allow me to explain. The other night Tessa was moving Ethan’s booster seat from the far back seat in the Suburban to one of the middle seats. It was his turn to sit up by Trina. Suddenly, Ethan is caterwauling and I learn that Tessa smacked him in the head with the booster seat. “Tessa, what are you doing?” “Dad, I didn’t mean to.”

      The problem is she didn’t mean not to. She was not purposefully trying to hit her brother in the head. But she wasn’t purposefully trying not to hit him in the head either. She just wasn’t paying attention to him at all. She didn’t hit him because she meant to, she hit him because she didn’t mean not to.

      That’s the way sin is for me. I don’t ever mean to sin. That is, I never wake up in the morning saying, “Today, I want to commit such and such sin.” Usually, for one reason or another I just find my way into temptation and then submit. I meet with someone and just start gossiping. I come home in a bad mood and just start with the outbursts of wrath. I happen to see a scantily clad lady and just start lusting. When I’m done, I always say, “I didn’t mean to.” What I’ve learned is I have to take a different approach. I can no longer say, “I didn’t mean to.” I have to say, “I mean not to.” Then I start paying attention and making my plans to avoid temptation as best I can.

      I Peter 1:14-15 says, “As obedient children, do not be conformed to the passions of your former ignorance, but as he who called you is holy, you also be holy in all your conduct” (ESV). This will not happen on accident. This will not happen by me walking through life without paying attention banking on the fact that I don’t ever mean to sin. This will only happen when I very specifically mean to be holy and very specifically mean not to sin, paying attention to what is going on around me so I can avoid what will lead me there.

      If you catch yourself saying, “But I didn’t mean to.” Realize the problem. That is not enough. You actually have to mean not to in order to overcome.

Edwin L. Crozier