Can You Rekindle the Fire?

      Her words pierced him to the bone. “I don’t love you anymore. Of all the places in this world, I would rather be anyplace else but here with you. I’ll stay with you for the sake of image but we are through. I feel nothing for you anymore.” Frightening words, aren’t they? Yet the story is all too real. It is the story of young, exciting, romantic love turned cold. Anger and argument has been replaced by indifferent silence. It doesn’t take Solomon’s wisdom to determine that this couple is in trouble.

      Is it possible for a dead love to be resurrected? If the flames of passion have gone out, can they ever be rekindled? Can a person force herself to love someone if she doesn’t feel anything?  I believe in resurrections, but certain conditions have to prevail in order for them to take place. It begins with a proper and practical definition of love.

      Almost 33 years ago Art Thomas reminded me, "Jim, the Bible nowhere says that you are to marry the one you love. The Bible does say that you are to love the one you marry." That may sound a little unromantic but it is certainly true. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her” (Eph. 5:25). “Older women... encourage the young women to love their husbands” (Tit. 2:3,4).

      Genuine love is an act of the will.  It's more than just an emotion of the heart. The best of romance is the result of a right relationship, not the basis of it. Our world considers love an involuntary emotion; it's something you fall into as you might fall into a ditch. But this is infatuation and it doesn't last. The more your marriage is built on infatuation, the more precarious it will be.

      True love is deeper and more stable than infatuation. It is an act of the will which gives itself to another regardless and sometimes in spite of feelings. It is a decision to do the right thing before God – that which is in the best interest of the relationship – rather than an uncontrollable emotion.

      The couple mentioned above is in trouble because one of them (possibly both) has made some wrong decisions and is engrossed in self. This is a prescription for disaster in any relationship. For the resurrection of love to take place selfishness must be replaced with sacrifice.

      Romantic love is important in a marriage relationship. It is beautiful and exciting. But sometimes life happens to relationships. Our vow to stick with one another “for better or worse” seems to be weighted toward the “worst” and it hurts. True love – committed, sacrificial love – helps us weather the storm. The presence of that kind of love can rekindle the fires of romance. And, ah, how sweet can be the resurrection!

Jim Deason